Mothering

I had always thought IF I ever had kids, naturally I'd have boys.
I had nephews & had only babysat for boys. They were fun & uncomplicated. Except when they'd ride their Big Wheels in front of speeding cars or tried to swallow bleach while I was in the bathroom.

Of course I had girls & now what I was always hoping to avoid has begun. The whole mess of replaying the mother/daughter drama is so painfully present.

It's terrifying. I hate it. It's a daily struggle to be anything but her. And yet sometimes I find myself screaming in her voice at my precious little daughters & I have to run into my bathroom & cower with fear as I calm down. Am I turning into her? Is there any way to avoid this?

Maybe I shouldn't have had children. When I calm down, I hug them & we giggle together & I sigh with relief (just a little). I am not her but I must be constantly vigilant. The tides could turn at any moment.